It has been reported that seventeen year old sixth-form student, Ben Turnbull, from Sussex, England, has received a B in his English Literature exam despite answering every question using nothing but emojis.
Ben, who has no interest whatsoever in any of the courses he is taking, decided it would be “a right laugh” to answer all of the questions with emojis, which included fire, a cry-laughing face and a monkey covering its eyes, but is now said to be “pursuing a career in publishing” following his new found academic success.
“My mum forced me to come to sixth-form” Ben told us. “She said if I didn’t, I’d have to get a full time job and pay her some rent. Fuck that. This year has been a right doss. I rarely turned up on time, did balloons in my lunch hour and sat on Snap Chat all day, so, the fact I am walking away from this English exam with a B is fucking miraculous. If life is this easy, I’ll be running my own publishing company in no time at all.”
It is believed that Ben was expected to fail all of his exams and had become known amongst the school’s staff as “a fucking waster” and a “bit of a thick cunt”.
“He was a nice kid when he was younger but when he turned fourteen he became a mouthy little prick,” claims Mr Jackson, head of the English Department. “I was itching for him to fail so I could kick him out of my class, as he is a disruptive influence, but he got a frigging B. The fact he achieved such a high grade despite not writing a single word is enough to make me quit my role as a teacher and go and live in a cabin in the woods all by myself. Why do the biggest idiots in life always get a free pass?”
“When asked in the exam to ‘Write about the ways Coleridge tells the story in Part 4 of the poem’, Ben answered with a pair of peeping eyes and apparently the assessor thought that was good enough to give him full marks. What the actual fuck is that about? What do those eyes even mean?” asked an irate Mr Jackson.
Wunderground didn’t know if this was a rhetorical question so decided not to answer.