There was mayhem in an English nightclub’s green room last weekend after a promoter misread a DJ’s rider and supplied him with six grey geese before his set.

Bouncy’s, Rotherham’s eleventh biggest nightclub, was forced to shut its doors after the geese escaped the green room and started to harass member of the public.

“It was total bedlam,” revealed head door man Alan “not tonight” Smith. “I thought it was a bit weird when I seen the guys bringing geese into the club but they said ‘they’re for the DJ’ so I thought nothing of it, it’s definitely not the strangest thing I’ve ever seen being brought in for a DJ.”

“The warm up DJ’s went into the green room at about eleven o’clock and the geese just went wild, I suppose they are wild birds so we probably should have expected it,” continued smith. “They got out onto the dance floor and started to attack all of our customers. I never knew geese were so aggressive. We haven’t seen violence like that since we stopped letting Hen parties from Sheffield in.”

“We’re not used to these big regional DJs coming around these parts and asking for fancy drinks,” explained the security guard. “We had no idea Grey Goose was a type of vodka, we’re simple, country folk around here, we just automatically assumed that he wanted the geese for some sort of weird sex thing.”

Eyewitness Lisa Poole also spoke to Wunderground, “It were dead scary in the club. One minute everything was fine and people we’re just dancing and having a laugh and the next we were being attacked and bitten by a load of crazy birds, it felt a bit like I was in a shower scene in Orange is the New Black. I’ve still got a big purple bruise on my arse from where one of the little pricks nipped me.”

Sources in the Rotherham area have confirmed that Bouncy’s will be closed until further notice, as the geese have barricaded themselves in the club and plan on staying there, claiming that ”Rotherham is far North as they’re going this summer”.






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