Dublin’s Best Hipster Joints For Burritos & BBQ

Dublin’s Best Hipster Joints For Burritos & BBQ

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I do not condone the inescapable sub-culture that has taken Dublin by storm. In fact, I would go so far as to say I hate hipster-ism and all that it entails. However, as I said before, you just can’t escape it – the cunts are everywhere.

One could be forgiven for assuming that I am, in fact, a hipster, given that you will usually find me in one of the food dispensaries where they seem to spawn from; but in my defence, these are great restaurants and there are heaps of them all over Dublin.

Just to clear it up – before I start jive-talking further, by hipster food I am talking about Burritos and BBQ joints. So without further ado, here’s my tuppence worth:

BURRITOS

Ah yes, the majestic Burrito (for the uninitiated, educate yourself here). I have been known to subsist on these as my primary source of food. Like a lizard licks the moss off a stone for survival, I turn to my beloved wraps of Mexican love, eating it with such gusto that afterwards you could be forgiven for thinking I had just taken part in some kind of Bukkake porno where the Bukkake was spicy sauce. You get the picture and if you didn’t then go ahead and Google Bukkake videos!

Boojum 10/10:

I always seem to go back to Boojum, although I must say that if you are a miserable cunt like I am, their staff can be so friendly that they scare you. That being said they are incredibly enthusiastic people and obviously that overflows into their burrito making skills. I generally order an absolute shitload of extras when I go here and it usually ends up that the poor dude or dudette behind the counter can’t roll it in one go, not even with both hands. Let’s just say I have split wraps many times (innuendo fully intended). Anyway the order is usually brown wrap, chicken, re-fried pinto beans, chicken, veg, hot salsa, sour cream, jalapenos, lettuce and guacamole…

Portion Size: 10
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 10
Staff/Atmosphere: 10
Moistness: 10

boojummex.com

boojum

Mission Burrito 8/10

Mission is a relatively new spot in Dublin ( I think ), nestled down one of my favourite streets, Liffey Street. It’s right next door to the old Warhammer shop where I wasted a lot of hours from my youth when I should have been out trying to get the ride, but let’s not talk about that right now. The staff is sound, normal people, probably real Mexicans and if they aren’t they do a damn good Burrito. Having said that, there is something missing that I can’t really put my finger on; the only word to describe what’s missing is moistness and the portions are not necessarily as stacked as what they give you in Boojum. Put finger on, moistness and stacked…the innuendos are flying here today.

Portion Size: 8
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 10
Staff/Atmosphere: 9
Moistness: 7

missionburritos.ie

Pablo Picante 5/10:

Pablo’s is an institution and I know I will be lynched next time as I walk between Burrito shops. They have a very strong fan base and I’m putting my neck out on the line but sadly this Burrito-house does nothing for me. The decor is pretty fucking cool and makes me feel like I should be carrying a gun or something with the whole cage vibe and religious motifs in the basement, but, the burritos, although perfectly edible just don’t tickle the spot for me. There’s something kind of dry about them and at the same time soggy. With a Burrito from all the above you can be guaranteed a relatively clean getaway, but with Pablo’s, sometimes, it’s as though the burrito is trying to explode out of the wrap, maybe they just need to get better wraps; who the fuck knows, but I have to mark them down on that as well as the overall taste.. The chick who serves me is pretty friendly too.

Portion Size: 8
Freshness of Ingredients: 9
Texture: 8
Staff/Atmosphere: 9
Moistness: 5

pablopicante.com

Burritos & Blues 10/10:

Again another institution and somewhere I have never been sober in – which may make this review biased but I think I am not alone when I say that the Silver Bullet Burrito never fails. Fresh quality ingredients every time and fantastic burritos for a post piss-up feast. Their salsa tastes like it was homemade by your Mexican grandmother and the staff is sound. Top marks.

Portion Size: 10
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 10
Staff/Atmosphere: 10
Moistness: 10

burritos.ie

Tolteca 6/10:

I happened upon this place by complete accident on Suffolk Street one day during my lunch break. The guy behind the counter was pretty sound and talkative, but I wasn’t impressed by the burrito. It was pretty dry and just lacked something that you get in nearly all of the other burrito places.

Portion Size: 8
Freshness of Ingredients: 9
Texture: 6
Staff/Atmosphere: 10
Moistness: 7

tolteca.ie

The Hungry Mexican 4/10:

I pass by this place pretty regularly and they also do deliveries so I had big plans for this place…very biiig plans. Sadly, it was a disaster on both occasions I attempted/did manage to make an order. The first time was a total let down, it was one Sunday night when I had a suicidal hangover that could only be cured by a whopper burrito so I rang up and ordered a burrito, tequila chicken wings and a can of coke; the price tag was close to €17 which was a bit ridiculous and had already put them in my bad books. So I waited and waited, watched an episode of Sense8 on Netflix and still after an hour and 10 minutes there was no burrito to be seen.

hungry mex

Soooo, I rang up to see what the story was and the guy on the end of the phone sounded like he couldn’t give a shite about the major predicament I was facing. Could he not realise I was close to death? I asked had anyone even started cooking my order and he said no but he would have it to me within 30mins. Get ta fuck! The next time I actually went in with the missus to get a collection. She thought it was lovely but for me it was very dry and there seemed to be more bread than burrito so for one of the most expensive burritos in Dublin it was absolute wank – will never go back here again. The only saving grace was the lovely French girl who was pretty sound and chatty when we went in but marks have been deducted for the lad I spoke to when I rang up. For some reason they have two websites, also, very odd.

Portion Size: 6
Freshness of Ingredients: 7
Texture: 2
Staff/Atmosphere: 4
Moistness: 5

hungrymexicandublin.com
thehungrymexican.ie

BBQ JOINTS

My Meat Wagon 7/10:

First of all, I want to declare my undying love for the meat wagon. The portions are just right, they have epic sauces on the table, staff seem sound, nice selection of beers including my beloved Punk IPA and it’s right next door to the HamburgersNHeroin.com head office in Smithfield, Dublin. So, what’s my beef you might ask? and next I might tell you: I have rocked up to this place with a food horn on many occasions, having thought about it all days whilst slaving over my keyboard like the monkey I am, and when the waiter comes over to ask me my order and I tell him with unrelenting certainty

I’ll have the Chicken board, with Chips, Corn on the Cobb and a can of Punk IPA

Only for them to tell me, or whoever I’m with

Sorry, we have ran out of __INSERT_FOOD_HORN_CRAVING_HERE__

And politely I/they order something else and after the nice waiter/waitress walks away I say furiously “How the fuck can you run out of __INSERT_FOOD_HORN_CRAVING_HERE__, every time we come here they run out of something”.

Sort your shit out lads, whoever does your stock control needs to get their finger out because I stopped going back as regularly as I visit other places, solely because this has gotten so annoying.

Portion Size: 10
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 10
Staff/Atmosphere: 10
Moistness: 10
Overall Satisfaction: 7
mymeatwagon.ie

Smoke N’Bones:

Grand shhhpot for a feed if the queues for Pitt Bros are too big; that’s usually the reason why we end up in here – which is a bit harsh because it’s a pretty good place and the food is tasty. It’s slightly different to Pitt Bros though and I don’t know why? Must be a different BBQ technique or something? The only fault I have for them is that the onion rings are slightly too greasy, other than that it’s a good alternative to Pitt Bros. The staff is sound including the manager guy (I think he’s the manager, could well be the owner) who is pretty chatty but not in an over bearing “get the fuck away from me I’m trying to eat” kind of way. He’s a pro and knows just the right amount of conversation. Great selection of Craft Beers and it’s really great the way the kitchen is in the middle so you can practically watch them cooking your food. The platters are served in metal bin lids and the half chicken and Brisket are pretty damn good.

Portion Size: 10
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 8
Staff/Atmosphere: 10
Moistness: 10
Overall Satisfaction: 9

smokinbones.ie

Pitt Bros:

The crème-de-la-crème of BBQ eateries in this city. Queues are a bit poxy but to be expected when the food is this tasty. I always get the half chicken and it never lets me down, much the same as Smokin’ Bones Craft Beer selection and I think I love this place out of everywhere because they let me release my inner 10 year old; because you can pull your own ice cream cone for free after your meal. Sure where else would you get it. Chips and onion rings are delish, however one thing that really does my tits in about all the BBQ places is a lack of chicken wings on the menu (My Meat Wagon do wings but only on a certain day I believe). The staff seem Okay, nothing special really. I’m sure they’re all nice people but I haven’t really had any interaction with them, probably because they are all 100% bonafide hipster – but I let them away with it because the food is fantastic.

Portion Size: 10
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 10
Staff/Atmosphere: 9
Moistness: 10
Overall Satisfaction: 10

pittbrosbbq.com

Bison Bar:

I like Bison Bar, but I have only been a handful of times and I don’t know why, but it’s not somewhere I ever suggest going to when I’m in the humour for BBQ. That being said, my missus and her sister love the place, as do a lot of people I know.  For me it’s more of a pub environment so I think that takes away from it for me because after my meal I feel as though I should get absolutely trollied. Great place if you plan on having a few beers/whiskeys afterwards. Again, I never really had any dealings with the staff but they seem nice.

Portion Size: 8
Freshness of Ingredients: 10
Texture: 9
Staff/Atmosphere: 9
Moistness: 10
Overall Satisfaction: 8

bisonbar.ie