News from America today suggests that DJ moms have now replaced soccer moms as the nation’s most fuckable MILFs.
The news has received a mixed response, leaving both the soccer mom and DJ mom camps with split opinion.
“Well it’s definitely good news for DJing,” claimed MILF enthusiast and professional soccer player Wayne Rooney. “Naturally there’ll be moms out there who, through their own desperate need for attention, will force their kids into becoming DJs just so they can be considered DJ moms. It’s been happening with soccer moms over there for years and probably has a large part to do with why they’re so shit at the sport, no one who plays actually wants to play, they’re just there because their moms made them be.”
However, the news will not have such a positive impact on soccer, with the number of people participating in the game already down by approximately 12%.
“Soccer’s popularity is definitely decreasing on a daily basis,” claimed soccer mom marrier David Zukowsky. “If soccer moms are no longer the most desirable MILFs in the country that trend is likely to increase significantly. There’ll be no children forced into playing the game at all and we’ll only be left with the weird people who actually want to play it, or Mexicans as we call them Stateside.”
Would-be president Donald Trump also spoke about the breaking news, “I love soccer moms and I love DJ moms. I actually love all moms, as long as they’re white, American and have fully comprehensive health insurance. Once they have those qualities, I think all moms are equally as fuckable, regardless of what their kids do. Let’s make America, and its moms, great again!”
According to reports, a large crowd of people have gathered outside Steve Aoki’s lavish Beverly Hills mansion, although, the crowd are not believed to be interested in fucking Aoki’s mother, as first reported, but instead are there to protest against the producer’s music.