It has been confirmed today that UK Garage hero DJ EZ is actually an army of around five hundred identical clones.
The DJs cover was blown earlier this week when armed police raided a suspected cannabis farm in south London. However, upon entering the property, officers instead found that the walls were lined with twenty, seven-foot tall glass cylinders, filled with a “transparent gel like substance” and each containing a DJ EZ clone in a different stage of development.
Wunderground spoke to a source close to the original DJ EZ, who has since admitted being the brains behind the army of clones, to get the inside scoop, “Basically, about ten years ago I started noticing man’s nails were like bare short, yeah? And when I asked him about it he admitted that he’d been cutting them more than usual so that he could extract DNA from the clippings to build a clone an ting. RINSIN’ SOUND!”
“Turns out he’d double booked himself one night and needed a clone to cover one gig while he did the other. It all just escalated from there. WICKED BASS!! INSIDE!!!”
DJ EZ number 001 had this to say on the matter; “I’m surprised it took this long for people to clock on really. Have you never been round a roundabout before and seen a luminous pink or green A3 poster advertising one of my gigs on every single lamppost, which all seem to be on the same date but at different venues? How did you think I was doin’ it man? Obviously clones innit.”
He continued; “Nice chattin’ to you guys anyway but I’ve got to go cus I’m playing Boiler Room, a warehouse in Peckham, a club in Manchester, another in Glasgow and two boat parties in Croatia tonight. Safe”